DSL-1:Denied love
by yukikoneko1990
Summary: REVISED! First in my 'Different sorts of love' Series. Heero thought he could handle being alone so he ignored his feelings for Duo until he realized that he couldn't just let go. Will he manage to find Duo and bring him back?


**I own neither the characters of Gundam Wing nor the song 'What hurts the most' by the Rascal Flatts. I suggest you listen to it before you read the story.****I CLAIM NO RIGHTS TO ANYTHING.**

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**(Heero's POV)**

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I thought I could handle loneliness.

I thought I could be alone for the rest of my life.

I was wrong.

In a way I know it's my fault you're gone. My outright refusal of your friendship made you leave. Quatre can say whatever he wants, but I know it's true.

I was afraid of what letting you in would mean and I wasn't ready for that.

It didn't take me long to realize what I did, what I lost, but it was already too late.

I knew there was no going back. You lived up to your motto. You ran and hid and no matter what I did, what the guys did, we couldn't find you.

So I buried myself into my job as a Preventer field agent. Soon it became clear to me that no matter what I did the memory of you would remain.

I tried pretending I was okay, but I failed on so many levels. The guys saw through my mask every time. I just couldn't lie to them; I couldn't lie to myself.

* * *

**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,**

**Even thought going on with you gone still upsets me.**

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Every time I'd try to work I would think of you; how you were always there when I needed you, how I chased you away.

And the memories were more painful than any wound could ever be.

Every time I'd be alone I'd remember the quiet nights we'd spend watching the stars. I'd think of all the things I could have done differently; all the moments I let go to waste.

I'd remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was leaving with Relena, how I ignored your offer to come with me and help me, how I told you I didn't need you.

I'd remember the feeling of hurt and shame, how I wanted to run after you; tell you I didn't mean it that way.

But you were already gone, and I realized what being alone truly meant.

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**What hurts the most was being so close,**

**and having so much to say, and watching you walk away.**

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I realized that I've lost the only person to ever truly love me for me. The only person that taught me how to-how to love.

All because of a sick sense of duty.

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**(Third POV)**

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"Heero, this has gone too far." Quatre said. Heero stopped typing and swallowed over a huge lump in his throat. "You have to go and find him!" Heero sighed and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed his face with his hands before giving Quatre a tired look.

"How, Quatre? How do I find him when he doesn't want to be found? We tried everything." He said. His voice was hoarse, he was drained and tired, and anyone who really knew him could say he was barely keeping himself together.

"Trowa found a lead." Quatre said softly and his heart ached when Heero gave him a hopeful look. 'If only Duo could see how much he affected Heero; how much him leaving changed him.'

"Say what?"

"It could be a fluke." Quatre said. He hated how Heero's eyes almost instantly dulled. "But how many people are there with Duo's eye color?" He said and Heero instantly stood up.

"Where?"

"New York." Quatre spoke directly. "There was a picture in the newspapers of a group of people that opened a new orphanage. A different name and short hair, but the eyes are still the same."

Heero swallowed, a look of concentration on his face. When he looked at Quatre all the WEI CEO could see was pure determination.

"What is the address?"

* * *

"Don't come back without him, alright Yuy?" Wufei said as Heero was getting ready to board the flight. Heero nodded at his friend.

"I won't."

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"Have you settled in?" Quatre's voice sounded worried over the line.

"I have, Quatre. Thank you for borrowing this apartment to me. I'll go visit him the first thing tomorrow." Heero said.

"Take your time, Heero." Quatre said softly.

"Quatre, what if it isn't him?" Heero asked weakly. His eyes fell on a picture of him and Duo he always had with him.

"We keep looking, Heero. He belongs here with us; both of you do. So we'll keep on looking until we find him and bring him back home." Quatre said in full conviction. Heero smiled for himself and placed the photo on the bedside table.

"Thank you, Quatre. I'll call you tomorrow. Good night."

"Good night, Heero. Good luck."

* * *

"Hello, I'm looking for Max Wilson. Is he available?" Heero asked the young woman with a small, polite smile on his face. The young secretary blushed to the routs of her red hair and nodded.

"He's in his office, dealing with business. I'll take you to him." She said and stood up from behind her table.

"Thank you, miss." Heero said and followed her up. She left him in front of a door with a smile and told him to just knock and go in.

It was easier said then done. He stood there for a good minute before gathering what little courage he had and knocked twice sharply.

"Come in!" He shivered and gripped the door knob. He pushed the door open and his heart stopped beating.

It was him.

Same stance, same build; same scent floating in the air. Duo's back was turned on Heero, but the ex-gundam pilot would recognize his former war comrade anywhere. Duo was on the phone and just waved his hand, not turning around when Heero closed the door.

"Yes, just send it to the same place. Yes, the same amount. Yes, thank you." Heero felt like crying. It was Duo; Duo's voice, Duo's scent.

Heero almost jumped out of his skin when Duo finished his talk and leaned over the table to grab some papers.

"Jessie, I'll need you to call Alex and tell him to-" Duo turned around and almost choked on the rest of his sentence. The papers scattered all over the floor and Heero felt his heart stop beating. "Heero?"

"Hello, Duo. Or should I call you Max now?" Heero asked. His voice was hoarse and almost too silent, but a small smile was on his lips, although his eyes spoke of incredible pain. Duo took a small step back as if afraid and his eyes darted around the room looking for exits. Heero took a step closer and Duo suppressed a whimper.

"Heero, what are you doing here?" Duo asked and Heero stopped in his tracks.

"We-I was looking for you. I guess, when you don't want to be found you really know how to cover your tracks." Heero said and tried to give Duo a wider smile at the end, but all he managed was a small twitch of his lips. Duo swallowed over a lump and bowed down to pick up his papers.

"Yeah, you know me. I may run an' hide-"

"But you never tell a lie." Heero interrupted Duo and exhaled sharply, with a small ironical smile. "I know." Duo stood up. He was gripping his papers so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Heero." Duo rasped out and stopped to clear his throat. "Heero, w-what are you doing here?" He asked and Heero took another step forward and then another and another until he stood maybe a foot away from Duo.

"Making sure you don't run and hide again, before we settle some things between us." Duo's breath hitched in his throat and he took another step back before he turned and placed the papers on the table.

"I think you made everything pretty clear, Heero." There was no real anger in Duo's voice, but Heero could clearly discern sadness and heartache.

"Duo-"

"I mean, you might miss me an' all that, but really, you have the guys. I really do understand you. I mean, with Relena it's not like you need me-" All of a sudden Duo felt Heero grab his elbow and he turned around reflexively. Somehow, in a mass of flailing limbs the two found themselves on the floor, Heero on top of Duo. It was hard to breathe, hard to _think_ even with Duo so close to him.

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**Still harder getting up, getting dressed; living with this regret when I know, if I could do it over;**

**I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I have left unspoken.**

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"No."

Duo could only stare up at Heero in complete surprise. Once focused, but rather dull Prussian orbs, now shone with so many emotions. Full, sandy pink lips were pulled in a painful line and the grip of Heero's hands on Duo's wrists was almost painful.

"You don't get it Duo. I don't miss you. I don't NEED you." Duo choked on air and his heart started to break all over again. He stopped breathing when Heero's rushed breathing slowed down and his eyes filled with honest pain and unhidden desire.

And love.

"I DON'T miss you. I'm dying without you." Duo's breath hitched in his throat. "I don't just NEED you. I'm addicted to you." Tears started trailing down Duo's cheeks and Heero let go of a strained breath. "I need you so much that it feels like dying every time I think of you and how I let you slip through my fingers because of my own stupidity."

"Heero-" said man let go of one of Duo's hands to reach out and gently wipe his tears away with the back of his index finger.

"I don't know WHAT I'll do if you tell me to go away, but I know that I can't go on like this. I can't live without you close to me. I can't-I can't go on without you."

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**Never knowing what could have been.**

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Heero's breath hitched in his throat when Duo reached up with his now free hand and his eyes widened when Duo wiped a tear off of Heero's face. Heero didn't know when he started crying. Hell he didn't know when the last time was when he cried. But if it made Duo believe him, then by God, he would cry the Earth another ocean.

"Well, I guess waiting really does pay off." Duo rasped out and Heero choked up in surprise.

"What?" He cracked out. Duo gave him a small, almost shy smile.

"I knew you weren't ready. I don't know what made me tell you my feelings when I knew you still couldn't let go of what you believed your duty was. I wanted to go back the moment I left but I thought, that if I DID go back you'd maybe feel somehow forced to be with me and I didn't want that." Duo's voice broke more times than either one cared to count.

Heero let go of the breath he was unconsciously holding and an almost hysterical chuckle left his lips, making Duo worry for him. He leaned forward and leaned their foreheads together.

"We have so much luggage to sort through." He said and it was Duo's turn to chuckle.

Heero moved back slightly and looked deep in Duo's love filled eyes.

"Yeah." Duo spoke silently. "But first things first." He said with a serious look making Heero's guts fill with lead. "The floor is _reeeaaaaly _cold." Duo dead panned and Heero couldn't stop the hysterical laughter from escaping him.

Duo frowned in worry, but his worries melted away when Heero calmed somewhat and looked at him with all the gentleness in the world, before leaning forward and kissing him in a way he was never kissed before.

When they parted, Heero buried his face in Duo's neck and Duo wrapped his arms around Heero's shoulders.

"Gods, how I love you."

Duo felt a smile tug at his lips and simply let go. He hugged Heero closer and felt Heero's arms wrap themselves around his waist to the best of their abilities.

"I love you too, Hee-chan." He spoke in Heero's hair and Heero moved so that he could look at Duo.

"Will you come home with me? Will you stay with me?" He asked, sounding like a hopeful child and Duo felt his heart warm up incredibly. He nodded his head and pulled Heero into another kiss.

"Sure, love. Sure."

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**THE END**

**Any good? Remember people! Reviews inspire!**


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